Friday, January 25, 2013

Friday Confessional

The Juice is Worth the Squeeze
<div align="center"><a href="" title="The Juice is Worth the Squeeze" target="_blank"><img src="" alt="The Juice is Worth the Squeeze" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

On days when I'm home I've been rocking some serious mom jeans that are at least 2 sizes too big.  Saggy ass doesn't even begin to describe it, but they're so comfy I don't care.  Just to top it off I pair them with an old sorority shirt.  Safe to say I'm the hottest mom on the playground.

Since being on unemployment I haven't actually had an entire week off.  In fact I've worked enough that I haven't even qualified for a single dime.  I probably should be grateful I'm working.  And making legit money.  But part of me wants just one lousy week off to mooch off the government.

In effort to find my long lost sex drive, my GYNO suggested going off the pill.  So we're giving it a whirl.  Problem is, now I'm so damn paranoid about getting knocked up it wouldn't matter if I did find it.  Sex?  What's that?  I told my husband we'd do it again after menopause.

Sometimes I feed Jamie Chef Boy R Dee.  I'm well aware that it's not organic.  Or homemade.  And probably has no nutritional value.  But he eats it, so I don't care.  I grew up on Beefaroni and Spaghettios and I'm still alive.

The CD player in my car is broken so I often listen to music on my phone.  Pretty much every single time I do this I try to turn up the volume on the radio and then for a brief moment can't figure out why it isn't working.

Most days when I'm home I get about half way through my lunch before I realize I'm eating off a plastic toddler plate.  At least I use a big girl fork.

Our dishwasher is basically a glorified sanitizer.  I prerinse everything.  I kind of the think it's gross to a put a dish with caked on food in the dishwasher.  I don't trust that shit would ever come off.

Jamie's hair is crazy and probably needs to be cut, but after last times haircutting experience I'm not sure who's more traumatizes.  Him or me.  So I will continue to let him look homeless.  The shaggy look is in anyways.

I went to the BIG KState/KU Basketball game on Tuesday with my brother.  And proceeded to drink more in one night than I probably have in the past year.  It was awesome.  Until my alarm went off the next morning and I was quickly reminded I'm not 21 anymore.  Woof.  Going to work hungover = not a good time.

Jamie has started asking for a diaper now when he has to do a number 2 because he doesn't want to go in his big boy undies.  I told him we gave them all away to the babies.  If he's going to refuse to use the potty, that's his choice.  But I've heard horror stories about this and I'll be damned if I have a 5 year old who can only deuce in a pull up.  Hell to the no.  I'd rather wash his dirty drawers.

Two weeks in a row I've talked about my sons pooping habits on my blog.  Pretty sure he's going to hate me for that one day.....

Confessions.  They're good for the soul.
Now spill your guts!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Friday Confessional

The Juice is Worth the Squeeze
<div align="center"><a href="" title="The Juice is Worth the Squeeze" target="_blank"><img src="" alt="The Juice is Worth the Squeeze" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

A small part of me thought I was just going to let this little ole blog ride off into the sunset but then I just couldn't stay away.  So here I am.

We had a babysitter all lined up for our Anniversary so we could go out to dinner and cheers four years of not killing each other wedded bliss.  Maybe even stay up until midnight to ring in the New Year together.  Well the weather was kind of crummy and neither of us was motivated enough to get dressed and go out.  So we had take out.  Watched some crummy TV and were asleep by 11:01.  It was awesome.

We haven't actually made it to midnight since our Wedding.  Unless staying up until east coast midnight counts.  Party animals right here folks!

Last week I got to speak and share my weight loss story at a big WW event.  I didn't make it 2 words in before I started to cry.  When did I become such an emotional sap??

After realizing what a whiny brat Caillou is and the nasty habits Jamie was picking up from him, we promptly deleted him from our DVR.  And then told Jamie he's on vacation.  Forever.

Now that I've been home more I've learned the fine art of bribing your child.  Suckers will pretty much get us through any errand and ward off most tantrums.

My kid still doesn't poop on the potty.  Like ever.  So when he finally did one random afternoon and said he wanted to save it to show daddy, you better believe I said ok and then we high fived.  I'd frame that floater on the wall if it meant we'd start shitting in the potty on the reg.

My first week of unemployment I only subbed one day which left four available days at home.  I swore I was going to be soooo productive during naptime.  Most days I watched TV and played on Pinterest.  That's productive right???

I have a friend who's Colombian.  Did you know it's spelled with 2 O's?  Shit, jokes on me.  Until a few days ago I thought it was spelled Columbia.  With a U.  Guess I should have paid more attention in Geography class.  Stupid American.

I took two weeks off WW during Christmas and gained 3.4 pounds.  Oops.

Every morning when my phone rings around 6am I know it's a call about a sub job.  Most time I want to hide under the covers and pretend I don't hear it.  Then I remember we have bills to pay.  Damn bills.

Everyone and their brother seemed to be freaking out when Bethenny Frankel announced she was getting a divorce.  Really people?  Did you ever watch her show?  She was a total to bitch to him pretty much 23 hours of the day.  I'm surprised it lasted this long.  I would have sent her packing long ago!

In the last 2 weeks we've watch Pitch Perfect at least three.  Maybe four times.  I can't get enought of it.  It's awesome.

Ok, now it's your time to spill!
What are your confessions this week?