Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Close the window

In 18 months of Weight Watchers I've officially had my first really big slip up.
I'm not talking about a vacation splurge or weekend binge.
I'm talking
Emphasis on fat.
One week before reaching lifetime status no less.
Talk about crappy timing.
Or maybe it was perfect timing.
Ever since reaching my goal in June I got sloppy.
I got cocky, I thought I could just return to some of my old ways.
I wasn't tracking.  I was splurging more.  And the working out stopped all together.
Then we went on vacation for a week the first of July and all hell pretty much broke loose.
I knew there was no way I'd make lifetime that week we got back.  I knew I was more than two pounds over goal, so I did something I hadn't done this entire journey.  I skipped my meeting on purpose saying I'd get back on track on my own and weigh in the following week when I was sure I'd be back at goal.
Big mistake.
One week turned into two, which turned into three, which turned into four.......
Everyday I said I'd start tomorrow.
Or I'd start on Monday.
And then take that as a free pass to eat whatever I wanted in the meantime.
It's almost scary how fast the pounds pile back on when you're in a downward spiral like that.
Pretty soon shorts I'd worn just a month ago now barely button.
Now I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself I couldn't even bare to go back to my meetings and face the music.
You'd think I was the first person ever to mess up.  Or like I thought they'd all stone me as I walked through the doors.
My WW leader sends out emails about once a week.  Inspirational stories, tips, meeting recaps.  This past weeks really hit home.  It was all about slip ups and getting back on track.
Talk about a divine intervention.
I immediately emailed her back and said it couldn't have come at a better time, that she would see me on Saturday morning, that I'd be the one with her head down and her tail between her legs.
I needed to do that.  I needed to make myself accountable to someone else.  I knew if someone was expecting me to be there I'd be more likely to actually go.
So Saturday morning, like some weird deja vu experience 18 months later, I sat on my couch with my keys in my hand, knowing I had to go.  I had to do something about it.
I couldn't lose everything I'd worked so hard for.
Walking in those doors was like a breath of fresh air. 
Like I was home. 
I know, it sounds cheesy.  Or like I'm some recovering alcoholic who needs to go to AA, but for me the meetings just work.  They've been such a huge part of my success I'm not sure what crazy idea I had thinking I didn't need to go.  In all honesty, it's when I needed to go the most. 
So many people ask me if the meetings are really necessary.  Can't they just do the online only version?  And for some people that may work.  But for me, I need the meetings.  I need that accountability and it's now blatantly obvious what happens when I try to go it all on my own. 
Could I do it?  Probably.  But I'd much rather have my support system there to pick me up when I fall.
I kind of hate that this blemish now has to be a part of my journey.  But in a way I almost think it needed to happen.  I needed to make this mistake so I could learn from it.  I needed to realize that it's ok to trip as long as you get right back up.  Someone shared a story that really stuck with me, a story I hope sticks with me for a really long time.
So you're out shopping on a beautiful day and all of a sudden it starts to downpour. 
You think, "Oh no, I left the windows wide open at home!" 
What do you do?  Rush home and close the windows right? 
You don't think, "Why bother?  Everything is already getting wet and damaged." 
You certainly wouldn't wait until the morning. 
Or tell yourself you'll close them on Monday? 
 Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?
If only I had forced myself to go back after the initial disaster and owned up to my mistakes instead of trying to cover them up and fix it on my own.
If only I had closed the window.


Ashley said...

I'm happy for you, that you are where you need to be right now (the mindset of getting back on track).

Katie and Susan inspired me to join WW online. I did it, lost weight and kept it off and then... I got lazy, didn't feel like tracking and while I didn't gain it back I found what I needed in your blog. I knew the meetings would keep me accountable. Saturday is my 3rd meeting and I'm so happy I've joined. It really keeps you accountable. Thanks for that.

I know that now that you're going to the meetings again regularly you'll get back to where you were and lifetime status too. You've got this. :)

AV5848 said...

I am on the exact same boat as you. For the first 4 months, I was great. Tracked every morsel of food (if not WW, then calories on myfitnesspal). Either way, it worked. I was doing great. I lost 35lbs and then I got lazy. Like you said, I got cocky. I fit into clothes I haven't fit into for years, people were saying I looked great. I felt great, even though I knew I had 15lbs to go. Summer activities started to take place, I stopped going to meetings and just got weighed in, even missed a weigh-in. I am up 3lbs and it could be another 1lb by the end of this week. This makes me super depressed because I tried so hard and just a few weeks of not trying and I am up. I have to realize this is a lifestyle I chose- I am not one of those people that just stay skinny and I have to work at it. Your post couldn't come at a better time. I need to get motivated. I need to start doing better and stop listening to everything around me. Thanks for the post and good luck getting back on track!

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

It's a learning experience to slip up, for sure. Honestly--when it comes to maintaining? exercise will be your best friend. I know, I know it sounds like drudgery--but I swear it's become something I actually LIKE and ENJOY. Weird saying that. BUt you can see your body changing more than just "weight". Anyway, proud of you for getting back in gear. xo

Emily said...

My mom is the same way. She even finds WW locations when on vacation to keep herself on track.

greeneyedkelly said...

I had to quit ww because hubby lost his job. I've downloaded an app that is pretty close to the ww app and I've asked a friend to weight me in every week. With that said, it's only been two weeks and I feel myself slipping and having the same attitude. I feel like I have to go to the meetings and say, hi, I'm Kelly and I'm an alcholic. I am going to miss the meetings. (I may sneek in to see if they notice me sitting in the room, I won't weight in but may need the inspiration). I am proud of you for catching yourself and walking out that door. I, on the other hand, am going to pull on my big girl pants up and get back on track before things get out of control.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

The hardest thing to do is get back into it!