Sunday, February 27, 2011

Dear Mom...

Today marks 4 months since we said our goodbyes.  I thought as more time went by it would start to get easier, but it doesn't seem to be the case.  Those first few months were kind of a blur of disbelief, but now the reality of it is setting in.  You really are gone....forever.  For the first time I actually, for a split second, went to call you.  I don't think I even completely finished the thought before I realized couldn't, but I know you're watching over us.  I like to think that when I see your car drive by or hear one of your favorite songs on the radio that it's signs you send to remind us you're always around. 

So much has happened in four short months.  So many things you've missed.  New car (though I know we could have wheeled and dealed even more if we'd had your mad car buying skills), new job (which I have you to thank for), more house catastrophes (Adam's about ready to blow the whole place up).  KState beat number 1 ranked basketball.  I know you had a part in that one, cause it truly was a miracle.  Jamie is like a totally different little boy.  He's a jumping machine in the horsey you got him and just yesterday started playing with your favorite ball.  I hope I'm making you proud.  Being a mom is one tough job and I don't think I ever fully appreciated everything you did.

I know everyone says it's God's plan....that things happen for a reason, but I don't understand it.  It's not fair.  I look forward to the day when I can see something that reminds me of you and it doesn't make me sad but makes me smile.  I look forward to the day where I don't dwell on the fact that you won't be around for a lifetime of memories, but instead be happy for all the good times we had.  I look forward to that day....and I'm know with time I'll get there.

Missing you always.  Love you forever.