Monday, January 2, 2012

Looking forward

2011 has come and gone.
Another 365 days behind me.
I can't say I'm too sad to see it go.
It wasn't that it was a horrible year, but there wasn't anything extraordinary that happened.
It was dull.  Lackluster.  Like living on autopilot.
I feel like an entire year has passed me by.
I want more for 2012.
I want to actually live it.
Make changes.  Improve relationships.  Most importantly improve myself.
After my mom died I feel like anything I had planned got put on the back burner.
I went into survival mode, burying myself in the mundane tasks of everyday life to avoid having to feel anything.  I've walked around in a bit of a fog, a smile on my face to get by, but that's about all I've done. 
Got by.  
Everything basically gets the bare minimum because it's all I have to give.
But I deserve better.
My family deserves better.
My mom would want better for me.
 I'm not usually one for New Year's resolutions, but I couldn't think of a better time for change.
Or a better time to stop avoiding life.
The time is now and I'm looking forward.
A New Year.  A fresh start.

9 comments:

Molly said...

You know? I think it's okay that you went into survival mode. That's what we as humans do to get by. But I'm glad that you're feeling ready to live! That makes me very happy for you. I think it is going to be a good year for you!

i'm jess said...

Missed seeing you yesterday... I love your resolution!

Lucky in Love said...

Wishing the very best for you this year my friend!

Erin Reissig said...

Get ready 2012!!! You're gonna be on your a-game this year. I just know it.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

I think everyone goes into that survival mode in the beginning. Good luck in 2012. You can shine again!

Gwen said...

I know how you feel. Sometimes it is easier just to coast but there is no better time to start living again than now! Love you!

Jules said...

We all do what we can to get through the hard times and I think you've done the best you can. This year will definitely give you a fresh start. I just know that happier times and excitement is headed your way!

ALin said...

It's gonna be a great one lady! Happy New Year!

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