So I've started a post about 5 different times in the last week and each time I'm left staring at a blank screen. I don't want my blog to become a bevy of depressing post after depressing post but unfortunately that's my life these days.
I started back to work last week.
People just don't know what to say...so they stare at you with "sad" eyes and treat you like you have 3 heads.
I've gotten more pats on the back and "How ya doing's?" in the past week then in my entire life combined.
I appreciate the condolences and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it's getting kind of old to be constantly reminded of the one thing you're trying so hard to forget.
Some days I do forget, and twice have gone to call my mom only to quickly realize I can't.
Some days it feels like she's on vacation...and we'll get to catch up soon, but I know that isn't true.
Some days I smile and laugh and then wonder if people think that's weird and maybe I shouldn't be doing that either.
I cry over the weirdest things....like a trip to Hobby Lobby. I don't even like Hobby Lobby. I used to hate when my mom would drag me to those craft like stores looking for a bargain. And now here I am...standing in the fall clearance aisle...crying about a 66% off scarecrow that I know she would have loved simply because it was only $5.00.
No wonder people stare at me like I have 3 heads.
My friends have been amazing.
The out of the blue phone calls, texts, emails and cards always brighten my day.
The stocked fridge from all the delicious food they've brought.
The plants and flowers that show up on my doorstep.
A group of my blog friends took me out to dinner last week.
It was the first time I felt like myself, like no one was judging me for having a good time or talking down to me like I might cry at any moment.
They also gave me a gorgeous dove necklace from Tiffany's.
Little did they know we had used the dove as the "theme" for all my mom's funeral programs and cards. I've been wearing it all week and it makes me feel like I always have a piece of her with me.
I live most days in a fog.
I take the days one at a time.
Cause honestly I can't manage more than that.