Long ago I came to the realization that unless we win the lottery....I will probably never be a stay at home.
I thought I was ok with this.
We don't really have a choice and not having children wasn't an option,
so working mom was my destiny.
The first five months haven't been so bad.
I trekked back to work at 6 weeks on the dot.
It was an awful day, but my mom was our babysitter so that helped.
I quickly got over leaving my little man everyday and even looked forward to a little adult time.
Then we lost my mom and quickly had to find a daycare.
I knew my mom wasn't going to watch him forever, so this was something I knew would happen eventually...it just happened a lot sooner that we thought and under some pretty crappy circumstances.
It was only 3-4 days a week.... I could handle that.
Well this week I started a new job.
Five days a week.
9 hours a day plus a 30-45-60 min commute...each way.
It's finally hit home.
Every morning I leave and Jamie is usually still sleeping.
I race home from work....praying I make it by 6pm when daycare closes.
He's ALWAYS the last kid there.
Always. Way to twist the knife a little bit deeper. I'm THAT mom.
We rush home. Eat some dinner. Play for a bit. Take a bath and off to bed by 7:30 or 8.
So I basically see my son everyday for about 1 1/2 -2 hours.
Enter mom guilt.
And I hate it.
Maybe I should start playing the lotto.