Thursday, December 8, 2011

Motherhood: It's not for the faint of heart

Last night started out much like any other.
Left work, picked up Jamie, came home.
Made tacos.
Made Chex Mix. 
Ok so that's kind of out of the ordinary, but mama was craving some chex mix like woah.
Anyways, after making a complete mess of the kitchen, Jamie and I made our way downstairs to play.
It was at this point that I realized something had died in my sons pants and he was in need of a diaper change like yesterday.
It was only 6:15....a little early for bath time, but I figured what the heck.
Seemed silly to put on a new diaper for only 20 minutes knowing bedtime was close.
So upstairs we went.
I got Jamie all undressed, cleaned up the massacre in his pants and put him on the floor.
Surely a boy who has just peed AND pooped can be trusted for a little nakey time.
I went down the hall to turn on the tub and see Jamie's naked butt toddling into our bedroom.
No biggie, he probably wants to play with the phone or root through my sock drawer or dig the tennis racket out of the closet.
You know, usual Toddler debauchery.
Like clockwork, as soon as the tub water is on I hear manic laughter and footsteps coming down the hall.
Now it must be told that the amount of time that's past since I saw naked butt in our bedroom to turning on the faucet is maybe 60 seconds.
Sure enough here he comes.  But what is that on his leg?  And his hand?
Is that chocolate?
Oh dear god PLEASE be chocolate.
DontbepoopDontbepoopDontbepoop.
I sniff his hand.
Yep poop.
All over his legs.  Hands.  And face.
Sigh.
I clean him up.  Brush his teeth.  Twice.  Get his PJs on and then reluctantly enter our bedroom the crime scene.
And then I saw it.
And laughed.  Cause really....what else can you do.
In 60 seconds my son managed to take a poop (and pee) in the dogs bed.
Apparently he was just marking his spot.
In the infinite words of AP
Motherhood = 1.  Mrs EyeCanSee = 0.


21 comments:

Molly said...

OH MY GOSH! I think I would have died. I've dealt with poo in the bathtub, but not anywhere else in the house. GAH! I'd say motherhood definitely wins this one. HA!

Jeremy, Censie and Jude said...

Oh my gosh!! I would have puked! lol Oh motherhood, love it!

:O)

Molly B said...

HILARIOUS- Got to love that....I think of these moments that you are having and HOPE it doesn't happen to me, time two- we will be screwed!

Molly said...

OH LORD! Now that would definitely signal my gag reflex ;)

Jules said...

I'm laughing so hard right now! I've heard poop stories before, but this one is up there with the best of them.

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

Too funny. So have been there. It's the worst when you realize it is indeed not chocolate. :)

KLaw said...

this story is all too familiar to me! ha ha!

Jax said...

hahahaha! That's hilarious! I also love the phrase "toddler debauchery." ha!

Becky said...

lol! LOVE it!

Chell said...

AWESOME. Well, not if I was on teh receiving end... but thanks for sharing.

dave and jenn said...

Whoa! I think your dog needs to ask for a new bed for Christmas. :)

SG to SP said...

See KLaw's comment, yeah I was with her during one of these all too familiar experiences with her little guy. haha. Though it helped prepare me for motherhood!

Married...with a Pup said...

LOL....I so hope it is ok that I'm laughing at your misfortune! It sounds like children keep your life interesting!

Kara said...

I feel your pain...at a certain point in my son's life, he thought it was great entertainment to "paint" the walls with what he left in his diaper. So gross...at 6, he still wants to be an artist when he grows up. Go figure. ;)

Cheryl E. said...

Oh no! At least you were in good spirts about it..you are right...all you can do is laugh.

Meghan said...

Oh my word! You are so right - not for the faint of heart!

Tiffany said...

LOL! Better the dog bed than the floor? Toddlers are so funny... and messy. ;)

the workaholic momma said...

HAHAHA...I'm sorry but I'm laughing with you on this one!!! That story is hysterical...I'm sure it was no fun to clean-up but think about the dividends it will pay when hes 16...the stories you will tell;)

Happiness Is... said...

Oh my word. That is too much. I would die! Little boys cannot be trusted with nakey time - ever! Even at 21!

Allison Hoff said...

Eww, Eww, Eww! GROSS!!

Jordan said...

This is absolutely hilarious (and gross)! I told the story to my sister, so she'll know what's coming! :) I guess she can hope girls will be easier!?