Friday, September 24, 2010

Ambushed at the mailbox

So we live on a small culdesac with only one house one either side of us.
Both our neighbors are older whose kids are closer in age to us than they are.
Of course their adult kids all still live at home, but that's a whole different story.
Anyhoodles....yesterday I was at the mail box when one of these neighbors comes up to me and Jamie. If I had to guess, I'd say this man is in his mid 60s....and a bit of an odd guy as you're about to find out. For the sake of this story we'll call him "C"

C: Oh look at the precious baby, she's so cute.

(He's wearing a very boyish outfit...but I'll let it slide, men are dumb sometimes)

Me: Oh thanks, we sure think so too.

C: Can I write my name on her forehead?

(WTF?! Insert nervous laugh)

Me: No. I don't think HE would like that very much

C: Oh alright. So what's her name.

Me: HIS name is James

C: What a nice name. She's so cute.
(Really? We're still confused on the gender....)
Sure I can't write my name on her forehead?
( he drunk?)

Me: Yeah, no I don't think so.

C: So did you have a vaginal delivery

(Wow. Just when I thought this conversation couldn't get any weirder you ask me about my vagina)

Me: Ummm...yes, yes I did.

C: Well that's just great you were able to do it vaginally (really sir. Please stop saying vagina) Cause you know when you have one of those c-section it messes up your stomach muscles and then you can never lose the baby weight. (Did he just call me fat?) That's what happened to my wife. (Good thing she's not here, cause I'd punch my husband in the man junk if he said that about me....20 years after I'd had my children.)

Me: Yeah, no c-sections here, I did it the old fashioned way.
(Can this conversation be done now....please don't ask about breastfeeding. I don't think I can handle talking about my boobs too)
Well I better get inside....I've got dinner on the stove!

C: Ok. Good chatting with you.

(No. Not really. Please feel free to never chat with me again.)

Me: Uh-huh. Have a nice night.

Wow. That really just happened. Not sure if I should laugh at my "crazy" neighbor or put a for sale sign in my front yard and run for the hills....


SG to SP said...

Ewww what a creepy weirdo.

Finlansmommy said...

girl, you just made me laugh out loud....hi-larious!

KLaw said...

Thats offensive on so many levels. Good lord.

Ashley said...

Uh, awkward to say the LEAST, and I hope you never have to talk to him again. WTF is wrong with people? Maybe his adult kids live with him still bc he's a Some people act like having a child is an open invite to ask you ANYthing. On the gender note, someone asked me my baby's name, I told him it was Cooper, then he proceeded to refer to Coop as a girl for the rest of our convo. Hello?

KatiePerk said...

Reading that made me uncomfortable. Can't imagine actually living through it.

Chardonnay said...

OMG that is hilarious!! I don't know what's worse... writing on his forehead or asking about vaginal delivery?!! Hahaha love it!

Sincerely Sara Cate said...

Unbelieveable! I wonder what was with the name on the forehead? Have you met his wife or kids??!! Good luck with avoidance!

Molly said...

Oh my good Lord! Isn't it disturbing how many people don't understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate?

After I had Landon, our trashy rental neighbor said,

"Hey, your belly's gone!"

"Um yes, I had the baby."

"What you weren't even that far along!"

"Actually I was 39 weeks."

His first question ...

"Are you breastfeeding?"

I didn't even answer. I went back inside. They scared me. And we never talked again!

Anonymous said...

No flipping way did he say that to you... I would've had the husband go out there and tell him to mind his own beeswax!!

Brittany said...

Oh my...he is a TMI go getter!

Moe said...

Omg!! Best story ever. Seriously. Although, it is certainly completely creepy and uncomfortable. I can't believe he asked you if you delivered vaginally. Inappropriate!!!

Thanks for sharing the story with us though :)

Emily @ Longley's in San Diego said...

Oh my god!! I'm sorry you had to go through that, but man it was FUNNY!! hahaha

Crazy Shenanigans said...

He sounds like a creeper! Who asks to write their name on a baby's forehead??!! So weird!

Middle Name Marie said...

Haha! What a creep!

Jordan said...

Wow! Talk about a creeper! Btw.. what's wrong with adult kids living at home? lol j/k... hoping you never have to see this guys again!

ModernMom said...

LOL Funny how babies do attract the crazies. I'm sure he meant well BUT send the Hubby to get the mail for a bit:)

Brittany Ann said...

Ahhh! That's just weird and sick! Ugh ugh ugh!

Shaina said...

OMG. People are so effing creepy and inappropriate and they think it is totally okay!!!!

Jules said...

Holy awkward conversation. Wow…just wow. The fact that he wasn’t getting it through his head that Jamie was a boy, then the forehead writing and asking about the birth. I’m uncomfortable just reading about it.

Gwen said...

What a freak!!! The best thing for you to do now is avoid this guy. We had a weird neighbor that would come over and ask us questions all the time. Luckily he got the hint when I started bolting inside when I saw him coming. Of course he's questions weren't about my vagina and more about our income and property but still. Good luck girl. If you need to move I'll sell you my house. LOL!!! XOXO

Lucky in Love said...

Oh dear. Talking about your vag with your neighbor. Definitely weird :)

cmoore said...

You know me, if he was going to make me uncomfortable, I would have turned it around and made him vomit from some made up story of how you had blow out diarrhea, that landed in your doctor's mouth, infected the episiotomy and now you have maggots in your taint.

But that's just me. ;)

Love you!

d.a.r. said...

C for Creeptastic??

I would have been super detailed about it and made stuff up about how bloody and gross it was. But hey, that's me :) I like confrontation and thrive in awkward situations haha!

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

i am laughing and gringing at the same time!

dave and jenn said...

Whoa. I'm laughing at your expense (well, at the expense of your awkward situation).