A few things I've learned in my brief life as a mom.....
No matter how asleep your child seems....as soon as you put them down they will wake up and demand your attention only to immediately pass out again as soon as you pick them up. This is when the moby wrap is a god send.
Anytime you sit down to eat....your child can sense it and will immediately cry, interrupting your attempts at eating. Same goes for showering, brushing teeth, etc. Apparently my child likes me dirty and hungry.
You can have all the best efforts to have a paci and a burp cloth in every room....but will inevitably find yourself in need of one and there will be none as far as the eye can see.
You could drape yourself in a full body sheet and your child will still manage to find the one square inch of uncovered space and spit up on it.
Every time you have night duty your child will be wide awake for hours. Every time your husband has night duty your child will take a bottle and promptly fall back asleep.
When taking your child to any sort of event....don't expect to see them again until you leave. People are drawn to babies like moths to a flame. I like to call it free babysitting!
Your child could care less about the 1,937 toys they have....however the ceiling fan will entertain them for hours.
Within minutes of putting on a clean diaper...your child will poop.
Every night at about 3AM your child will wake up screaming as though he hasn't had food in days. Every night you will make the usual 4 oz bottle and every night he will fall asleep after eating only 1-2 ounces. You decide to get smart and the next night only make a 2 oz bottle. This time your child will suck it down like a champ and be wide awake, ravenous for more forcing you to make another 2 oz bottle with which he will take two drinks of and then pass out cold. So much for trying to save formula.
You will be VERY good at remembering to cover up all man bits when changing diapers....the one time you don't you will get hosed, literally.
Every time your child snuggles on your chest and falls asleep or looks at you with all their many goofy faces your heart will melt and you will immediately forget all the aforementioned, not so glamorous parts of being a mom.