Friday, September 17, 2010

Murphy's Law of Mommyhood

A few things I've learned in my brief life as a mom.....

No matter how asleep your child seems....as soon as you put them down they will wake up and demand your attention only to immediately pass out again as soon as you pick them up. This is when the moby wrap is a god send.

Anytime you sit down to eat....your child can sense it and will immediately cry, interrupting your attempts at eating. Same goes for showering, brushing teeth, etc. Apparently my child likes me dirty and hungry.

You can have all the best efforts to have a paci and a burp cloth in every room....but will inevitably find yourself in need of one and there will be none as far as the eye can see.

You could drape yourself in a full body sheet and your child will still manage to find the one square inch of uncovered space and spit up on it.

Every time you have night duty your child will be wide awake for hours. Every time your husband has night duty your child will take a bottle and promptly fall back asleep.

When taking your child to any sort of event....don't expect to see them again until you leave. People are drawn to babies like moths to a flame. I like to call it free babysitting!

Your child could care less about the 1,937 toys they have....however the ceiling fan will entertain them for hours.

Within minutes of putting on a clean diaper...your child will poop.

Every night at about 3AM your child will wake up screaming as though he hasn't had food in days. Every night you will make the usual 4 oz bottle and every night he will fall asleep after eating only 1-2 ounces. You decide to get smart and the next night only make a 2 oz bottle. This time your child will suck it down like a champ and be wide awake, ravenous for more forcing you to make another 2 oz bottle with which he will take two drinks of and then pass out cold. So much for trying to save formula.
You will be VERY good at remembering to cover up all man bits when changing diapers....the one time you don't you will get hosed, literally.

Every time your child snuggles on your chest and falls asleep or looks at you with all their many goofy faces your heart will melt and you will immediately forget all the aforementioned, not so glamorous parts of being a mom.



17 comments:

Katie said...

perfectly well stated :) haha.

ps: I thought you were bf'ing? Or are you doing both? Hows it all going?

Brown Girl said...

Haha, I think your kid is already smarter than you. He's got you trained! ;)

Tiffany said...

So very true!

Kristen said...

having a baby is the hardest job you will ever have, no one ever tells us this when we're planning our families! And honestly it doesn't get any easier, it can be heart wrenching! But when I watch my nearly 2 yr old destroy some of my favorite things and the anger boils up inside, he'll come over and hug me and say "my mommy' I sorta forget the anger. And then the 6yr old, well he's got an attitude that amazes me but then I watch him be an amazing big brother, or score some awesome soccer goals... I wouldn't trade the annoying little brats for anything! :-) Isn't motherhood great?

Lucky in Love said...

I can't wait :) Well, for the last part :)

Allison @ I heart Change said...

That is all super true! It's fun.

I think babys might be the best weight loss tool ever. I can't count the number of times I'd just leave a bowl of cheerios at the table so I could sneak a bite or two in between baby demands.

Demetrius' mommy. said...

i can relate to every.thing.
on this list!!
being a mommy is hard,but pretty awesome.
;)

Emily @ Longley's in San Diego said...

I love this! ha I've had a few close calls with getting hosed on whole babysitting... I stand far to the side now if I have to change a little boy haha.

Jax said...

Haha! I can't relate yet, but these are pretty funny.. especially the night daddy has duty over giving the bottle and going back to sleep. OF COURSE. So funny. :) I think you need to post one of these every week! :)

Nikki said...

ah yes....this is the life of a mommy. Isn't it great...I can't imagine my life any other way.

Mama Dew said...

KP is FAMOUS for not letting us enjoy a meal together. NEVER fails, it's like she smells it and it sets off an alarm in her little body! And same goes with the feedings. I swear she was hungry last night after eating an hour prior so I made a 2 oz {surely she wouldn't need more than that} and sure enough she ate it all and then some! So much for figuring them out, they have our number!

Brittany Ann said...

That chest snuggle makes it all worth it! Oh, mommyhood!

ModernMom said...

Oh sweetie! You nailed it. You took me right back there to those days:) I hope you are enjoying every second!

Molly said...

Hilariously sweet. And also true :)

Jules said...

I love the last one most and I kind of had a feeling that all the things you mentioned above were a part of motherhood ;)

Gwen said...

So very, very, very true!!! XOXO

Beach Bum & Baby said...

I about died reading this - it's all SO true!!! :)