Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I don't like to cry in public

Today I did something I NEVER do.
I played hooky.  Well, sort of.
This stupid lingering cold which makes me think it's gone for good likes to sneak up on me and yesterday I felt like crap again.  So I said, enough is enough, I'm staying home today.
I'm going to take the day to rest and try and kick this cold once and for all.
I layed on the couch, watched a stupid movie and got some lunch with my husband.
I was amazed at all the women out for lunch. 
So this is what retired ladies and stay at home moms do in my neighborhood.  Go to Panera.  The place was crawling with estrogen.
Then I saw this cute little pregnant lady and her mom.
And I remembered one of the last times I ate at Panera.
I was pregnant....and out to lunch with my mom.
She had been out fabric shopping for Jamie's nursery and happened to be in my neck of the woods, so I met her for lunch.
I miss those days.
That's when I almost lost it....until I remembered, I don't cry in public.
So I kept it together until we got into the car.
And then the tears started to fall, but I turned away and looked out the window.
I hate it when anyone sees me cry, my family, my friends even my own husband.
I don't know why.
I grew up in a family where crying was perfectly acceptable.
I was never told it made you weak, or less of a person,
but somewhere along the way I decided it just wasn't something you should do.

15 comments:

Heather @ Mrs. Southern Bride said...

Hope you get to feeling better soon!

I'm Jess said...

Hope you are feeling better today! I am the same way, I hate to let people see me cry but anymore my tears seem to flow at the drop of a hat... and honestly, when I need a good cry and my hubs is there to give me a long hug -it's amazing how much better I feel! It feels amazing to just let it out and know that he is there with his arms around me! Makes me feel so much better :)

{big hugs to you friend}

erin.patrice said...

Aw. I hope you get better. I was amazed by the number of women of all ages that were at Panara when i played hookie with my sister one day... It's insane.

I am exactly the same way about crying. I always see it as something personal. Not something that the whole world needs to take part in or witness.

Gwen said...

Awe honey. I'm so sorry. The memories happen to the best of us. I get like that still even though they don't come as often. The worst for me every year is Mother's Day when I'm shopping for cards. I seriously stand in Hallmark and sob. I know everyone thinks I'm crazy but I can't help it. I'm thinking of you my friend.

Jeremy, Censie and Jude said...

I bet your mama was there at lunch with you. :) I cannot say that I understand what you are going through but I can say that I am thinking about you and hoping you have strength to get through hard days like today.

Hugs!!

Sunshinemeg said...

Honey, it is okay! You are so strong and so tough. You have carried yourself with such grace during such a difficult loss. All of us bloggers see that. I'm glad you took a day to rest and I'm sorry Panera brought up those painful memories. Good for you for making it to the car. I hate to cry in front of other myself, so I understand. Hang in there today and keep getting good rest my friend.

Jax said...

I hope you feel better soon, friend. And I HATE crying in public, too. Hate it. I mean, I'm totally fine with donig it at a movie or something.. but still not open sobbing or anything. But if it's something that actually touches me personally, I will turn into a facially distorted mess in order to hold tears in. I'm sorry for your saddness at lunch that made you cry, girlie...

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

Aw I hope you feel better soon. And I totally don't like to cry in public too.

Domestic Goddess said...

i'm glad you got the day off but am sorry for your moment. I don't like people to see me cry either..I totally cried at work yesterday...but I always feel 120% better afterwards! Hope you are feeling better girl!

Nikki said...

I have to say that I got super teary eyed when I opened Harper's gift from your dad. He picked out such a cute dress and it just made me think of how sad it was that he had to shop alone. I'm thinking of you guys!

Jenner said...

I don't like people to see me cry either.

Jordan said...

I'm sorry! Bless your heart. Your crying is totally understandable, but I hate crying in public too.. still, it happens sometimes. Praying for you! Hope you're feeling better!

Annie said...

i'm sorry hun :(
i hope you are feeling better.

like you, i don't like anyone to see me cry either. my hubby included.

d.a.r. said...

Hugs.

Jules said...

I’m so sorry and I know that grief can creep up on you at the most inopportune times. When I was a teenager my grandmother was killed by a drunk driver. At the time, I was closer to her than I was with my mom. I don’t really talk about it a lot, but it was a horrible time for me. I remember going on a trip to Orlando for school and breaking down at Disney several months after it happened because that was the last trip we had gone on together. It’s been 17 years since she passed (I was 15) and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her.

Anyway, what I’m trying to get at is that it’s understandable and you can’t help how you feel. Sometimes we all need a good cry. Hugs to you.