Thursday, November 1, 2012

It takes a village

I have a friend who's currently looking for daycare.
Something I know first hand is no easy feat.
As a lot of moms do, she's struggling with the thought of having to leave her girls.
While talking about it she said something that immediately rubbed me the wrong way.
"How can I just let someone else raise my children?"
Now she didn't mean to offend me.
She's just feeling the working mom guilt.
But those few little words really struck a cord.
As I'm sure they do to ALL working mothers.
Dropping my 3 month old baby off at daycare that first day ranks up there as one of my hardest mom days to date.
I was basically leaving my son with people I didn't really know.
I was trusting them his care.
I had to believe that while no one replaces me as his mom, they would care for him like he was their own.
But never once did I ever think of it as someone else raising my child.
Sure they make sure all his basic needs are met.
Help teach him his letters and numbers.  Shapes and colors.
But I'm the one who continues to teach him at home.  Trying to make everything we do a learning experience.
I'm the one who read him his favorite book 100 times a day which I fully credit to the fact that by 18 months he could count and identify all his numbers 1-10.  Something that amazed even his daycare teachers.
And I'm the one who boasted with pride when his teacher said he's continually the only child in his toddler class who says "please" and "thank you"
That's because of me.  His parent.  The one who's raising him to be good person.
Just because my child is in someone elses hands 5 days a week doesn't mean I've washed my hands of this whole parenting gig.
The same way a SAHM isn't done raising her child when she sends them off to kindergarten.
Honestly, are we really ever done?
Daycare is simply my village.
The ones who help reinforce the things I'm teaching him at home.
The ones who care for him when I cannot.
But at the end of the day, I'm in the driver's seat.
I make all the decisions.
I'm the one raising my child.



Shannon said...

Great post and I agree 100% I think I'm actually a better mother because of the separation during the day, it helps me recharge my batteries.

Jennifer said...

Great post. I work, but my hubby watches Emma. We are lucky since he can do that, but daycare was just not affordable. I am thankful it is him even though I am still jealous that he gets all this time with her during the day and I get only a couple of hours a night.

Molly said...

True that, sister! AGREED!

Lindsey said...

LOVE this!

Ashley said...

I agree with you. We're the ones raising and they're the ones watching. But that being said, I went through the motions of what she is saying too. I was so upset at having someone else be able to spend more time with my son than I can. My sitter gets more of his awake hours than I do. I complained about her "getting to raise my son" and not me. I actually used the same words. I see it's different now but at first it was the feelings of hurt over not being the one to see all his smiles in the day, to tell him no, to comfort him when he cries, to laugh and play with him during the day. It was hurt feelings and bitterness and what *seemed* to be someone else raising him. Once everything gets settled and she likes her sitter, she'll see the difference.

I also had a terrible first day care lady. I had to pull him from there and take him to someone we know and trust. THAT wasn't fun.

Kathryn said...

new follower from the hop, would love a follow back.

dave and jenn said...

Wow, what a great post! I agree completely, and I think that's a great way to look at it!

Jax said...

So true. I dont have kids yet but these are definitely my feelings. It takes a village and daycare is part of that for many, many parents. It has to be.

Hilary Lane said...

I like this post. I don't have kids yet, but when I do, I will still have to keep my 9-5. Shoot, I'll be working for the next 30-40 years because I choose to. Thankfully, my husband only works 1-2 days during the work week, so daycare will only have to be part time for us, but even if that wasn't the case, I completely agree with you. & it was well said. :-)

Myers Family said...

New Follower from blog hop!

jennifer said...

Love this post. What a great perspective and way to look at it! You are totally right, and I love the way you describe it. We've had kids in daycare for 4 years now, and those people are such blessings in our kid's lives! Loving on them and helping them learn and grow? Yes, definitely. Raising them? Nope, that's us, the parents. Seriously I loved this post.

Christina said...

Such a great post and so true!!!

Stephanie said...

You are so right! Daycare is your villiage and what a wonderful way to look at it! I wish I had thought of it in that way when I did the drop:) You go Mama...and also, you need to sell that tag line to a daycare!

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Becky said...

I love this perspective. I recently had a good friend and fellow working mom make the same comment and it totally rubbed me the wrong way. This really helps to put it in words for me. Thank you.

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