Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Project MILF: Now that's an emotion I never expected.....

As of Saturday I have lost exactly 99 pounds.
Ninety freaking nine!
One pound away from the big century mark and only 6 pounds away from my goal.
While I'm of course over the moon, scream from the rooftops, excited, I have a confession.
I'm afraid to reach my goal.
I know, I know.  That probably sounds crazy.  But hear me out.
For the past 14 months this has been my life.
My focus.
Getting to that number.
It's almost become a small part of my identity. 
I'm the girl who's kicking ass and taking names.
The weight watchers girl.
And when it's all over, I'm actually going to be a little sad.
Like I won't have anything to work for anymore.
No more little milestones to look forward too.
Kind of like when you plan some big event for months and months....and then just like that, in the blink of an eye, it's over.
The whole journey behind you.
The road ahead unknown.
Originally I thought I'd get pregnant shortly after reaching this point, giving me something entirely new and exciting the throw myself into....but the whole unemployment gig has thrown a wrench in that plan.  No babies on the horizon for awhile.
So now when I reach goal, it will begin the juggling act that is maintenance.
Trying to figure out how to live life at a constant weight.
To be honest, that's uncharted territory for me.
I've gained.
I've lost.
I've really never just stayed the same.
And that's scary.
With all these mixed emotions I find myself reevaluating my goal.
Maybe I should bump it back 10 more pounds.  This last bit has fallen off way too easy.  Must mean my body still isn't at it's "happy weight" yet.
Anything to prolong the inevitable end.
Crazy I know.
I think I need to take up a new hobby....cause I can't lose weight forever.



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14 comments:

Jo-Anne said...

99 lbs.!!! YESSSSSSS!!! That is so amazing!!! And so close to your goal WOOHOO!!!
I think I can kind of understand what you mean about being afraid of reaching your goal. While I'm still quite a ways away I get how much the whole weight loss thing encompasses you. And I wonder if it'll feel the same changing the goals to 'maintaining' for certain periods of time.
But, right now, all I can say for sure is... Dang girl, you look AMAZING!!! =D

Sorry for all the !!!'s, but you deserve each and every one of them!!!

Steph said...

Congratulations!!!

You look amazing!!!

And you are inspiring! Having recently found out I'm pregnant, I'm not anywhere near an ideal weight, but with growing older and having kids, I need to lose a ton of weight after this baby to live a long, healthy life for my kids!

IN-SPIRING, YOU ARE!

Melissa at Tall Blonde Blog said...

YOU ARE AMAZING! You should be so proud of yourself!

Moe said...

Congratulations!!! That is incredible. And you look incredible.

I can relate to what you're talking about with the feeling about reaching your goal. I think maintaining a weight is one of the "scariest" or hardest things for me. Just with the way my body is...it's a challenge. (even with working out and eating right) But, I have to say once you hit it - hold on to that JOY that you felt when you reached it and remember it when you go shopping, get ready for the day, etc. because that joy won't just leave you after you hit your goal weight... it will be with you every day. You're getting to live what you worked so hard to achieve. :)

Erika said...

Oh my gosh! You look fantastic!! I am so impressed!

Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

You look so amazing! Great job!!!

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

a-freaking-MAZINGGGGGG.

You are awesome. So MUCH SO. I can't even contain my excitement for you and what you achieved.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure you'll find that maintenance is a big 'ole pain in the butt. You'll have good days, bad days--but they'll weigh each other out. You'll notice that THAT'S okay and your body wil stay the same with those balances. You have the tools now. If you gain 5 after an amazing vacation--you can then just kick your butt in gear for a few weeks.

It's a constant battle still for me. But you will do this. I'm kind of glad you will have more time before having a baby so you can enjoy that rockin' BOD!!!!!!!

xoxo

Erin Reissig said...

You look so amazing! I hope that you find some peace with this situation soon.

Melissa said...

99 lbs? That is freaking amazing and you look awesome!

I think the emotions you're feeling are totally normal, but I'm sure you will figure out how to maintain your weight and find something else to focus on. Just think, someday you will have another kid and will have baby weight to lose :P

Legally Fabulous said...

WHOOOO!!! you look INCREDIBLE.

Emily said...

You are amazing and look amazing!! Maybe being a mentor to others can be your new hobby?

Becky said...

99 pounds is amazing! Great job!

Jess @ Wrangling Chaos said...

First. You are amazing. Yes, you look amazing, but to lose that much? Takes some serious commitment to self.

Second. I SO GET THIS. I really do. I spent so many years having babies and dealing with chaos and crazy, and then about a year ago I was all 'well, crap, now what?'.

Which is how I fell into designing.

But that weird 'what's next' feeling is an odd one to work through.

AV5848 said...

Just came across your blog! Wow 99lbs. That is amazing!!!!! In 14 months- that's super amazing. I started WW 6 weeks ago and lost 15lbs and your story is totally an inspiration. Your new lifestyle after you lose your weight will be to maintain, to stay healthy. It is now your life. It is no longer something you hate doing, it is something you look forward to do. Start working out. The nice weather will be here soon. After your son goes off to school, get in a morning run. I'm sure it'll jump start your day. About pregnancy, I am a planner too. But the best laid plans never work. And you're right, in God's time, it will happen. Honestly though, a baby is expensive, but so is day care. If you have a baby now, you can stay at home and get to spend so much quality time with him/her. I have to work but what I would give to be a SAHM! Anyways, Good luck to you and keep up the good work!