Letting Go

Since the day Jamie was born he's been a pacifier baby.
My mom used to comment that he had it in his mouth all.the.time.
Like it was a bad thing.
So what.
It helped him sleep and generally made him a happier baby.  I wasn't going
to mess with it.
As time went on we started trying to wean him off of it and by his 1st
Birthday he really only used it at nap and night time.
{and sometimes in the car.....or when out in public and we needed a quick fix}
Once he turned 18 months I toyed with the idea of taking it away for good,
but chickened out.
I needed that pacifier as much as he did.
It had become my crutch almost as much as it was his.
It guaranteed me a full nights sleep and lessened the embarrassing moments in public.
Well a few weeks ago while we were in Ohio his attachment to it seemed to escalate and for the first time ever he actually started to ask whine for it during the day.
"Binky mama.....biiiinnnkkyyyy!!!!!!"
That's when I realized it was time.
When they're old enough to ask for it, they're TOO old to have it right??
Well I thought so.
The hubs wasn't really on board. 
He didn't think he was ready.
Translation:  The hubs wasn't ready to deal with public outings without our ace in
the hole.
Unfortunately for the hubs, when mama gets an idea in her head there's no
turning back.
I wasn't crazy enough to attempt it BEFORE our 11 hour road trip home.
I said I was determined, not asking for a death sentence.
And I certainly wasn't going to attempt it during the work week.
Mama needs some sleep.
But Friday was the day.
That gives us 3 nights and 2 naps before Monday.
I was in knots all week, anticipating that battle that was going to go down.
The whining, the crying, the sleepless nights. {Jamie would probably be
upset too.  I kid}
When I got home from work I cleared out the binky drawer and the stash in
the diaper bag.
I toyed with just throwing them away, but decided against it.  Just in case.
7:30 rolled around so we did our usual night time routine.
As I was putting on his PJ's he started pointing to the drawer and asking
for his binky.
I said they were all gone.
And that was it.  He said "all gone" and didn't ask again.
Huh.  That wasn't so bad.
Where's that epic meltdown I was waiting for?
We rocked in the chair, sang our good night songs and put him to bed.
He grabbed his blankie and put his head down, so I tiptoed out.
Not a peep.
Was it really going to be that easy?
A few minutes later the screaming began.
Here we go.  Now THIS is what I expected.
I gave it a little bit to see if he'd calm himself down but quickly
realized that wasn't happening.
I went back in, rocked him to sleep, then put him back to bed.
That was it.  We didn't hear from him again until morning.
Nap time?  Same thing.  I rubbed his back for like a minute and he was out
for the count.
Sometimes I don't think we give our kids enough credit.
We anticipate the worst.
We don't trust out mommy instincts that "it's time" and they're ready.
Sometimes I think it's me that has a hard time letting go.
Letting my baby grow up.
Three weeks later and it seems like a distant memory.
Sure at night time he still occasionally asks for it, but we tell him
we gave them to the babies and he's ok with it. 
Because as he says "babies cry, binkies for the babies."
And he's certainly no baby.
Just one more step closer to being a big boy.