Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Today I'm pregnant.

First of all, for all those non instagrammer's out there.
Yep.
The rumors true.
I'm pregnant!
My little boy is going to be a BIG brother!
I had fully intended on a cutesy announcement post for today, but baby had other plans so I had to go with plan B.  Thank you for all your prayers and kind words in regards to yesterdays post.
The bleeding continues, but the doctors aren't entirely sure why.
And of course they'd prefer I NOT be bleeding (ummm, me too!), but for now it's my "normal."
So now we just wait and see.
A crystal ball sure would be nice!
I know a lot of women find it taboo to announce so early, especially when they've had as rocky as a start as I have, but so many of you have supported me through my highest of highs and my lowest of lows, so when things started going south this was one of the first places I wanted to turn.
Despite the cobwebs around here lately, I do still love to write, it's very therapeutic for me to just put it all out on paper.  And this is part of my story, whether I like it or not, and I wanted to share it.
Because today I'm pregnant.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to say that tomorrow.  Or next week.
I'm not sure if this pregnancy is going to end with a healthy baby or heartbreak.
But today, for the second time this week, we saw a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat.
And for that I'm grateful.
Though after some spotting over the weekend and now the bleeding, I'm not sure how many more scares I can take.
I'm starting to feel myself view this pregnancy with a bit of a guarded heart.
Afraid to get too attached for fear that it will be ripped away from me.
The innocence of those early days where I would picture us as a family of four are now long gone.
I hate that I now have so much fear and doubt.  I hate that I've lost faith in our little peanut who's proven themselves time and time again to be quite the fighter.
So I'm trying to be strong.
 I'm trying to take each day at a time.
And today, I'm pregnant.


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8 comments:

Ann said...

Congrats and hang in! Sending tons of prayers and well wishes your way!!!!

Hilary said...

Congratulations to you (again). I'll keep you in my prayers for a happy, healthy baby #2!

Katie said...

Thinking of you!! A strong heartbeat has to be a huge reassurance. But, I totally understand the hesitation. I know with our pregnancy, I made myself not get too attached until that 12 week mark. Looking back, I wished I would have enjoyed those weeks more. Hang in there!!

Becky said...

Thinking of you and sending your family big hugs!!!

Kristen said...

congratulations to you, along with a huge hug! I'll pray for you and your peanut!

jennifer said...

Glad to hear this. Glad to hear that baby is strong and growing and heart is beating, beating away. Today you are PREGNANT which is awesome :) Keep us posted and know that you have support!

Marjorie said...

Congratulations! I had a lot of bleeding in the early weeks of each of my pregnancies. With my second, I bled so heavily at one point that we rushed to the ER certain that I was losing the baby. How could there possibly be that much blood and the baby still be ok? But she was and is. You will be in my prayers. Stay strong Mama and think happy, healthy baby thoughts!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Congrats! I'm so excited for you! I'm sending you nothing but good thoughts!