Project MILF: Now that's an emotion I never expected.....

As of Saturday I have lost exactly 99 pounds.

Ninety freaking nine!

One pound away from the big century mark and only 6 pounds away from my goal.

While I'm of course over the moon, scream from the rooftops, excited, I have a confession.

I'm afraid to reach my goal.

I know, I know.  That probably sounds crazy.  But hear me out.

For the past 14 months this has been my life.

My focus.
Getting to that number.
It's almost become a small part of my identity. 
I'm the girl who's kicking ass and taking names.
The weight watchers girl.

And when it's all over, I'm actually going to be a little sad.

Like I won't have anything to work for anymore.
No more little milestones to look forward too.

Kind of like when you plan some big event for months and months....and then just like that, in the blink of an eye, it's over.
The whole journey behind you.
The road ahead unknown.

Originally I thought I'd get pregnant shortly after reaching this point, giving me something entirely new and exciting the throw myself into....but the whole unemployment gig has thrown a wrench in that plan.  No babies on the horizon for awhile.
So now when I reach goal, it will begin the juggling act that is maintenance.
Trying to figure out how to live life at a constant weight.
To be honest, that's uncharted territory for me.
I've gained.
I've lost.
I've really never just stayed the same.
And that's scary.
With all these mixed emotions I find myself reevaluating my goal.
Maybe I should bump it back 10 more pounds.  This last bit has fallen off way too easy.  Must mean my body still isn't at it's "happy weight" yet.
Anything to prolong the inevitable end.
Crazy I know.
I think I need to take up a new hobby....cause I can't lose weight forever.



Life on Unemployment

I figured it was about time I update everyone on the job front.

Unfortunately there isn't much to say.

The job hunt has been slow.

I'm not sure if dental jobs are a "who you know" kind of thing or what.

But I've searched every job site known to man...including sketchier avenues like Craigs.list and reached out to every connection I have.

And there's just not much out there.

I've applied to a few jobs here and there as they come on my radar,

most of them not exactly what I'm looking for, but jobs nonetheless.

I had one interview that could have been promising,

but I haven't heard anything back.  I suspect they were looking for someone with a certification I don't have.

People keep saying I should call, but I kind of feel like "He's just not that into you."

If they were going to offer me the job.

They'd call.

No news is not good news in this instance.

In the meantime I've been keeping myself busy subbing.

I basically work for an agency who calls me when a dental office needs a Hygienist.

It keeps me busy about 3 {sometimes 4} days a week, but there's no guarantee of work and some weeks {especially with all this snow we've been getting} I might only get 1 day.

It's better than nothing, but it certainly don't pay the bills!

It also means I don't actually qualify for unemployment on the weeks I work.

Which is great.  I don't want to be a mooch.  But by the time I pay for gas to get there {most of these offices are 45 minutes ONE way!} and for daycare, I'd actually be making more just sitting at home. 

Albeit not much more, and the days out make me feel like a productive member of society, so it's worth it.  Plus I figure every office I go to is another connection made and potential for something permanent!  It's not ideal, but it will work for now.  It's hard living life day to day, going to bed most nights no clue what the next day brings, but I keep telling myself it's not forever.

It's not forever.  Right?? 

Jamie's daycare has been great through all this!  I guess when they've watched your child since he was 3 months old they figure they can throw you a bone!  We're able to use them on an as needed, pay as you go, drop off basis.  So those morning I get a 6:00 am phone call asking me to work, Jamie goes to daycare.  On the days I have nothing, he stays home.  We've had a lot of QT together and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.  More than I thought I would.  He has too.  I think we've spent more time together in the past 2 months than in his entire first 2 years of life.  It's definitely been an adjustment for both of us!  Poor guy doesn't know what's going on!  He cries on the days he doesn't get to go to school to see his friends....but then he cries on days he doesn't get to stay home with mommy.  I've heard "Mommy, I'm not going to school anymore.  You stay home and play wif me" more times than I can count.  Pulls on the heart strings for sure!  Sorry buddy, being a SAHM just isn't in the cards right now!  Plus this experience is further proof I don't think I'd survive this stay at home gig full time.  A few extra days a week?  Heck yes!  Maybe some day.  But full time?  No way!  We both enjoy our time at work and school too much!

But for now?  I'll enjoy it while it lasts!

So say a few extra prayers, cross some fingers, make a wish....whatever strikes your fancy....anything that gets me off this unemployment train ASAP!   



Tasty Tuesday: Grilled Cheeseburger Wraps

With winter in full swing it's safe to say grilling season is behind us.

Sad.

So when I stumbled across this recipe on Skinny Mom's Kitchen I was stoked.

A cheeseburger....I can make during the winter....that's not going to kill my waistline?

SCORE!

They did not disappoint.  In fact I've already made it twice!

Its a fun twist on the tradtional burger and the flavor is amazing!

Plus I love that I can enjoy it guilt free!

It's been a huge hit all around!

 

what you need

1 pound ground beef ( I used 91/9 lean ground beef)

1 T worcestershire sauce

1 T ketchup

1 T grated parmesan

1 t dried onion flakes

1/8 t pepper

1/8 t salt

5 wraps (I used Mission Whole Wheat Carb Balance -- large burrito size)

5 slices sharp American cheese (I used Kraft 2% Big Slices)

2 Roma tomatoes, sliced

1 cup of romaine lettuce

additional ketchup

mustard

 

what you do

1.  In a medium to large skillet cook the beef until almost cooked but still a little pink.  Break beef up as it cooks.  Drain excess grease.

2.  Add worcestershire, ketchup, grated parmesan, dried onion flakes, salt and pepper to beef.  Mix until combined.  Continue cooking until beef is no longer pink.

3.  Turn on indoor grill to 350 or you can use a grill pan.  (I used my foreman)

4.  In the center of each wrap place a slice of cheese and 1/2 cup of the beef mixture.  Add lettuce, tomato, ketchup and mustard.  (We also added pickles, cause really?  What's a cheeseburger without pickles?!)

5.  Roll the wrap and place seam side down on grill.  Once there are nice grill marks turn over.  Grill for 2-3 more minutes then remove.

 

Serves 5.  WW: 9PP per serving (Per the ingredients I used)

Bon Appetite!



Project MILF: I'm not perfect. I'm human.

January 14th officially marked my one year anniversary at WW.

365 days to a healthier me.

52 weeks since I stepped foot through those doors.

Wow.

I celebrated in the best way possible -- sharing my story.

When my leader approached me and asked me to speak at a big event they were having for new and exisiting members I was honored.  Out of ALL the success stories they could have chosen they chose me?  Even with as far as I've come, sometimes I find it hard to believe that I could possibly be an inspiration to someone else.  But I am.  And I'm slowly wrapping my head around it.

After I blubbered like an idiot told everyone my story, someone asked me if I had a daily mantra that helps me get through the hard days.  Without hesitation I said yes.  I'm not perfect.  I'm human.

In so many diets of the past, if I would stumble.  Have a bad day.  Or a bad week.  I'd often just give up and throw in the towel.  Take whatever weight I'd lost up until that point and call it good enough.

Not this time.

Now that certaily doesn't mean I haven't had bad days.  I do.  But instead of giving up, I use it as motivation.  Fuel to my fire to motivate me to keep going.

It took me three long months to lose these past 10 pounds.

By far the longest it's ever taken me to lose a "decade."

Between the holidays.  And the little bit of burnout I was feeling.  I kept juggling the same few pounds.  Up and down.  Up and down.  Week after week after week.

The me of the past would have admitted defeat.  Given up on my ultimate goal.

But the me of today?  The one who's lost 90 pounds?

She said hell no.

I have come way to far to give up now, just 15 pounds shy of my goal.

I deserve better than just good enough.

I am in this for the long haul.

I had to remind myself that I'm not perfect.  I'm human.

  And it's ok to have a few set backs along the way.

It doesn't matter when you finish.

What matters is that you do.

{To see all my progress pics, check out the "Project MILF" link in my blog header}
 

Happy Monday Peeps! 

Friday Confessional

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Last week I was putting something in the garage fridge and noticed a foil covered casserole dish.....with sweet potato casserole in it....leftover from Thanksgiving.

Speaking of things forgotten from November.  My FIL so graciously helped us tackle a bathroom project I found on Pinterest when they were visiting right after Halloween.  Three months later and I still need to finish it.  Unfinished projects are the story of my life.  I blame Pinterest.

Back in my fatter days I used think designer jeans were stupid.  Then I finally fit into a pair and oh.my.god.  I'm now a self proclaimed designer jean snob.  Who knew jeans could fit so well....and make my ass look so good.  Thank god for the Nordstrom Rack and Paige denim at more than half price!

For my 22nd Birthday my friends sent me on a scavenger hunt complete with a life size replica of Josh Hartnett.  (Remember when he was cool?)  One of the awesome gifts I got along the way was this heinously ugly ceramic hippo.  It still proudly sits upon my fridge and has for nearly 10 years now.  I like to think it's less fugly, more vintage chic.

I'm horrible about brushing Jamie's teeth twice a day.  I'm not sure if it's a bigger mom fail.....or dental hygienist fail.

I made a rookie mom mistake this week.  I left the house without an extra pair of pants.  Sure enough, right inside the McDonalds play area my kid dropped a load.  Lesson learned.

Yesterday during naptime I watched Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.  That's 1 hour and 47 minutes I will never get back.

I pee in the shower.  I like to think of it as killing two birds with one stone.

Jamie started saying "sucks" this week.  Can't say I'm surprised.  Instead of telling him it's a word we don't say....I told him it's a word only grown ups can say.  Let's be honest, I'm probably going to slip from time to time, might as well cover my bases.

My husband bought me a Cadbury Creme egg this week as a "sorry you sliced your finger open and had to get five stitches" gift.  I didn't have the heart to tell him I really only like the caramel ones.

I found my "goal" swimsuit.  It costs way more than a few strips of spandex ever should, but I'm going to buy it anyway.  I may even pay the extra $10 and have it monogrammed.  If I start saving now, I might be able to afford the bottoms by 4th of July.  Tops are overrated.


Confessions.  They're good for the soul.
What do you need to get off your chest this week??

Friday Confessional

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On days when I'm home I've been rocking some serious mom jeans that are at least 2 sizes too big.  Saggy ass doesn't even begin to describe it, but they're so comfy I don't care.  Just to top it off I pair them with an old sorority shirt.  Safe to say I'm the hottest mom on the playground.

Since being on unemployment I haven't actually had an entire week off.  In fact I've worked enough that I haven't even qualified for a single dime.  I probably should be grateful I'm working.  And making legit money.  But part of me wants just one lousy week off to mooch off the government.

In effort to find my long lost sex drive, my GYNO suggested going off the pill.  So we're giving it a whirl.  Problem is, now I'm so damn paranoid about getting knocked up it wouldn't matter if I did find it.  Sex?  What's that?  I told my husband we'd do it again after menopause.

Sometimes I feed Jamie Chef Boy R Dee.  I'm well aware that it's not organic.  Or homemade.  And probably has no nutritional value.  But he eats it, so I don't care.  I grew up on Beefaroni and Spaghettios and I'm still alive.

The CD player in my car is broken so I often listen to music on my phone.  Pretty much every single time I do this I try to turn up the volume on the radio and then for a brief moment can't figure out why it isn't working.

Most days when I'm home I get about half way through my lunch before I realize I'm eating off a plastic toddler plate.  At least I use a big girl fork.

Our dishwasher is basically a glorified sanitizer.  I prerinse everything.  I kind of the think it's gross to a put a dish with caked on food in the dishwasher.  I don't trust that shit would ever come off.

Jamie's hair is crazy and probably needs to be cut, but after last times haircutting experience I'm not sure who's more traumatizes.  Him or me.  So I will continue to let him look homeless.  The shaggy look is in anyways.

I went to the BIG KState/KU Basketball game on Tuesday with my brother.  And proceeded to drink more in one night than I probably have in the past year.  It was awesome.  Until my alarm went off the next morning and I was quickly reminded I'm not 21 anymore.  Woof.  Going to work hungover = not a good time.

Jamie has started asking for a diaper now when he has to do a number 2 because he doesn't want to go in his big boy undies.  I told him we gave them all away to the babies.  If he's going to refuse to use the potty, that's his choice.  But I've heard horror stories about this and I'll be damned if I have a 5 year old who can only deuce in a pull up.  Hell to the no.  I'd rather wash his dirty drawers.

Two weeks in a row I've talked about my sons pooping habits on my blog.  Pretty sure he's going to hate me for that one day.....

Confessions.  They're good for the soul.
Now spill your guts!

Friday Confessional

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A small part of me thought I was just going to let this little ole blog ride off into the sunset but then I just couldn't stay away.  So here I am.

We had a babysitter all lined up for our Anniversary so we could go out to dinner and cheers four years of not killing each other wedded bliss.  Maybe even stay up until midnight to ring in the New Year together.  Well the weather was kind of crummy and neither of us was motivated enough to get dressed and go out.  So we had take out.  Watched some crummy TV and were asleep by 11:01.  It was awesome.

We haven't actually made it to midnight since our Wedding.  Unless staying up until east coast midnight counts.  Party animals right here folks!

Last week I got to speak and share my weight loss story at a big WW event.  I didn't make it 2 words in before I started to cry.  When did I become such an emotional sap??

After realizing what a whiny brat Caillou is and the nasty habits Jamie was picking up from him, we promptly deleted him from our DVR.  And then told Jamie he's on vacation.  Forever.

Now that I've been home more I've learned the fine art of bribing your child.  Suckers will pretty much get us through any errand and ward off most tantrums.

My kid still doesn't poop on the potty.  Like ever.  So when he finally did one random afternoon and said he wanted to save it to show daddy, you better believe I said ok and then we high fived.  I'd frame that floater on the wall if it meant we'd start shitting in the potty on the reg.

My first week of unemployment I only subbed one day which left four available days at home.  I swore I was going to be soooo productive during naptime.  Most days I watched TV and played on Pinterest.  That's productive right???

I have a friend who's Colombian.  Did you know it's spelled with 2 O's?  Shit, jokes on me.  Until a few days ago I thought it was spelled Columbia.  With a U.  Guess I should have paid more attention in Geography class.  Stupid American.

I took two weeks off WW during Christmas and gained 3.4 pounds.  Oops.

Every morning when my phone rings around 6am I know it's a call about a sub job.  Most time I want to hide under the covers and pretend I don't hear it.  Then I remember we have bills to pay.  Damn bills.

Everyone and their brother seemed to be freaking out when Bethenny Frankel announced she was getting a divorce.  Really people?  Did you ever watch her show?  She was a total to bitch to him pretty much 23 hours of the day.  I'm surprised it lasted this long.  I would have sent her packing long ago!

In the last 2 weeks we've watch Pitch Perfect at least three.  Maybe four times.  I can't get enought of it.  It's awesome.

Ok, now it's your time to spill!
What are your confessions this week?