Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Do you hear what I hear?

For the past two nights I have been hearing noises in our house.
Squeaky bird like noises.  High pitched squeals.  A noise I really can't even describe.  But it was loud.   I was convinced there was something trapped in our fireplace.
My husband thought I was crazy.  Every few minutes I would hear this horrid noise and look at him, oblivious to all of it.  I'd be like "you didn't hear that?!" 
Nope.  Nothing.  Nada.
As the evening went on I became less and less concerned about what it was and more and more irritated that he didn't hear it.
I mean really, what is he, deaf?!
Last night I didn't notice it as much.  The husband claims he heard something, but he thinks its a cicada.  Seriously.  That is NOT a bug.  If you think that's what it is you are obviously not hearing the same thing I am.  But whatever.  Neither of us was brave enough to look in the fireplace so we continued to just live in ignorant bliss of what this mysterious noise was.

So this morning I woke up, got ready for work.
Walked down to the basement so I could post the blog I had originally planned for today.
And I see two piles of dog puke.
Then I noticed the rug at that bottom of the stairs is torn up.
So first you destroyed my rug.  Ate it.  And then vomited it all over my stairs.
You're already on thin ice dog.  Don't push me over the edge.
I walk past the vomit.  Step over the torn up rug and go towards the computer.
(Yes I fully intended on posting my blog first, then cleaning up the mess.  Priorities people, priorities)
I noticed something out of the corner of my eye and stop.
First thought, its a piece of the rug.
Second thought, it's a bat.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Tell her what's she won Bob.....
One dead bat.
And if you recall, this isn't the first bat we've found in our house.
I turn around calmly.  Step over the torn rug.  Walk past the vomit and go into the bathroom where the hubs was showering.

"Hun....I think I figured out what that noise was"
"Oh yeah....what?"
"A bat." 
"Because there's a dead one downstairs...."
"Awesome. Are you sure it's dead?"
"I don't know, I didn't ask it...."

He tells me he'll take care of it if I will clean up the dogs mess.  Fine by me.  I'll take puke over dead bats any day.  But now I ask myself, where the hell are these bats coming from.  How are they getting in?  Where do we live, Gotham City?  I start picturing thousands of bats living in our fireplace.  Or hiding out in the attic.  And do you know what my husband tells me.  The man who's been telling for days that I'm crazy because he doesn't hear a thing. 

"Oh I'm sure there aren't anymore.  Because if there were....we'd be able to hear them"

Really?!?  Maybe me and my apparently supersonic bat hearing, I'm not so sure about you.


Stephanie said...

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine finding it! Yuck!! But at least you know you aren't crazy and if it makes you feel better that story/conversation could totally be one had between me and the hubs too!

SG to SP said...

This makes me laugh b/c my husband is the same way. He can't hear for shit. We've spent the past four days cleaning up cat puke so I feel you on that one. As for the bat...uh ick.

Molly said...

"I don't know, I didn't ask." Priceless.

dave and jenn said...

Yikes! Keep your fingers crossed that maybe one of them will turn into George Clooney. :)

Ashley Paige said...

Bahahaha.. "I don't know. I didn't ask it..." At least you know you're not crazy! And does the pup get an extra point for at least killing said bat? Shucks.. I freak out when I thought I heard mice in our house. I would totally lose my shit if it was a bat! They give me the willies!

KLaw said...

Bats are on a whole nother level of gross!

Lindsey said...

I actually had a friend's house be invaded by bats. Meaning, between the interior and exterior wall. When inside the house, you could hear scratching, etc.

d.a.r. said...

Adorable new blog design!!!

And omg. omg. omg. That is disgusting and terrifying!! Hopefully batman doesn't come back (er, well, at least his friends don't...)!

Marcy XOXO said...

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. I am literally laughing out loud. HILARIOUS! Well, I mean, I do feel bad for you!!!!

the workaholic momma said...

HAHAHAHA - this is hysterical - just read it aloud to my hubs because I enjoyed it so much (not the bat or torn rug or vomit - i totally empathize) but your humor was on point!!! Hope you don't find anymore bats anytime soon and the dog sticks to eating his food!

Hope ya'll are having a great week:)

Married...with a Pup said...

I'm sorry to hear about the bat!! Haha but hilarious story like always!

Jordan said...

Gross! That's crazy! I sure hope it's the last of them! At least you know the pup will protect you.. maybe trying to redeem himself?

Jules said...

You seriously crack me up and it looks like you were right all along. I think your basement is the At least your hubby cleaned it up. I'd definitely take puke over a creepy bat.

Funny story...when we lived in our old apartment, we used to hear a crazy scratching noise above our bed. We'd pound the ceiling in the middle of the night and it would stop. It turns out a squirrel was burrowing in the ceiling. Super annoying.

Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

That would freak me out! We use to live in an old townhouse that had tons of bats around and I hated it. On the plus side they do eat mosquitos (my number one summertime enemy, well they probably tie with flies).

I love the new festive!

Llama said...

AHHHHH! I would be so scared! least you know what you were hearing was really something.