Thursday, October 27, 2011

One year later....


And I can still feel my heart pumping as I answered that late night phone call from the hospital.
I can still remember speeding to the hospital, begging God to let you be ok because I was only 29 and I wasn't ready to live without you.
I can still see the look on the Doctor's face as we walked through the doors of the ICU.
I can still hear the beeping of all the machines and the sound of the ventilator.
I can still remember the exact moment I knew you weren't going to make it.
A feeling of helplessness washing over me.
I can still feel the tears running down my face.
I can still see the look on dad's face when we decided it was time to say Goodbye.
I can still feel your hand as I watched you take your last breath.
I can still remember driving home, asking dad when the numbness would go away.

One year later and the pain and emptiness are just as fresh and raw as the first day.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you.
But I know that I will be ok. 
That somehow I got through this first year without you and I know I'll get through the next.


I Love you, always & forever.
xoxo
Em

36 comments:

Melissa said...

:( I'm so sorry. Thinking of you today

Ann said...

XOXO - you are in my prayers today - soooo sorry :-(

Kelly said...

Your in my thoughts and prayers today.

Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

Oh honey. You're in my prayers today. That picture is a wonderful treasure and reflection of your great relationship with your momma.

jdavissquared said...

:( I'm so sorry. I have no words that could ever be enough, but I'm sending you hugs.

simplysarah said...

you and your family are in my thoughts today

Alli said...

The only thing I know to do that will make you feel better, is to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :)

Lindsey said...

Thinking of you today!

Michelle P said...

I'm sorry.

arkansasrunner said...

I can't even imagine. Hugs.

Molly B said...

Hugging you through the computer! Love you girl-

Gwen said...

Praying for you my friend. Love you.

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

So sorry! You will be in my prayers today.

P!nky said...

OH sweet swet Em, my heart breaks reading your post. I am soooo sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your pain and am sending you lots of love and prayers!

xoxo

Jules said...

I'm thinking of you and praying for you today. {HUGS}

Ashley said...

Hugs friend. I'm thinking of you today.

Molly said...

Ugh, crying for you Emily. I'm so sorry that you have to walk this path without your mom.

You have been so strong. Keep writing those letters to your mom. I'm positive she is reading.

SG to SP said...

I know today must be so tough but just remember that your mom lives on through you and your sweet boy and she watches over you everday. *Many hugs*

dave and jenn said...

The first year is definitely the hardest. :(

Thinking of you today...

the workaholic momma said...

Thinking of you today and sending lots and lots of hugs!!! Your mom must be smiling so big and be so proud of the amazing woman and momma you are:)

Mrs. I said...

This was really beautifully written...

Thinking of you.

(It's been 16 1/2 since my dad died unexpectedly... I understand.)

ALin said...

Hugs and prayers for you and your family today (and everyday, because I know some of those are hard too) xoxoxo

Moe said...

I got all goosebumpy and teary eyed reading this post. I'm thinking of you today!!

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

I'm sending hugs and prayers your way. I'm sure your mom is looking down on you and smiling...

Emily said...

Your mom is so proud of you Emily! You're an amzing women/wife/mother. Sending prayers your way.

Jess said...

I didnt know this, and hope I was never hapless and insensitive. I'm so sorry for your loss. And I will pray for you and your heart through the holidays.

Brittany said...

I was just thinking about you and your mom today. Not sure why, just thinking of blog friends I guess. Weird that today was the day of this post. Keeping you in my prayers.

Lucky in Love said...

Oh sweet girl. I cannot believe it has already been a year. I am thinking about you so much today especially. Love you.

Lucky in Love said...

Oh sweet girl. I cannot believe it has already been a year. I am thinking about you so much today especially. Love you.

Lucky in Love said...

Oh sweet girl. I cannot believe it has already been a year. I am thinking about you so much today especially. Love you.

Legally Fabulous said...

Can't believe it's been a year. Thinking about you and sending hugs.

Katie said...

Praying for you, sweet friend.

Married...with a Pup said...

Oh my goodness. Your words just touched me and made me think that no matter what I'm going through with my dad right, I'm lucky that he is still alive. I can't even imagine what you have gone through, but stay strong girl!

Allison Hoff said...

My heart is with you Emily as you start the second year of your life without your mother. Again, my offer stands if you ever need me.
Love to you.
Allison

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Honestly, I don't know how I'll ever handle the day comes that my mom isn't there. I'm sending you good thoughts. You've been so strong.