So as most of you know the hubs and I are living apart for awhile until I can move to Kansas City. I don't do long distance very well. I don't deal with change very well. It tends to bring out my horrible negative side. A side I'm not very proud of. As a defense mechanism when I'm sad, I tend to pick fights with the people I care about most....so in this case, my husband. Everyday we talk on the phone and everyday I ultimately ruin these phone calls by fighting about something small, trivial and most often ridiculous. I guess in my crazy mind if I'm angry, I can't be sad. And somewhere along the line I've decided dealing with anger is easier than dealing with sadness. Horrible right? But it's how I've been as long as I can remember and old habits die hard. Well this morning, after one of our typical horrible phone calls, I awake to this in my email box.
So everyday I sit at work thinking about talking to you at night,
I try to remember everything that has happened to me today so I can tell you when we talk.
You sound so cheery and excited to hear my voice,
I know you have so much to say and don't know where to start.
Deep down I know you wish you didn't have to tell me this way,
These things are better said in person.
Laughter soon gives way to silence,
Everything has been said.
The conversation has shifted.
Laughter gives way to sadness,
Sadness gives way to anger.
This is not how I wanted the conversation to go.
This is not something that was planned.
What I look forward to the most everyday
Is now tarnished by some small thought.
How could something so small cause this much trouble?
How could something so small cause so much tension between us?
This is what I think about before I go to sleep.
This is what causes me to stay awake.
Having this kind of conversation everyday is tiring.
Especially when it's with your best friend.
I love my best friend.
My best friend is my wife.
I hope these conversations end soon,
Because I only want to hear what makes my best friend happy.
Everyone is made up of negative things,
But those things eventually turn to good.
There can be no set time for this,
Only time will tell.
I have nothing but time,
Because I will always have my best friend.
I love you.
Talk about a wake up call. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this man. Someone who will put up with all my crap and still love me at the end of the day. Cause that's what love is after all. Unconditional.